Losing Football Games
by Tom Spendlove
29 December 2003
I don’t understand the fascination I have with rooting against certain teams. This is applied only to football teams, of course, because I don’t consider baseball a real sport and in basketball and hockey I just root for the Detroit teams.
I have a fascination with watching ANY football game that the University of Michigan is playing in and just hoping like hell that they lose. Also the Baltimore Ravens. And the Philadelphia Eagles. I have my own internal suspicions as to why these character faults are present within me, but I must admit I don’t truly understand. This isn’t something I make special requests to God about, lighting votives or praying rosaries. This is purely something where I put my faith in the athletic ability, or luck, or overall position on the Karmic Wheel, of the opposing team. I don’t think “please God / Yahweh / Allah / Ganesha, please, let xxxx beat Michigan this week” – I just think “hey xxxx, this is your week to beat Michigan. Don’t blow it.”
Most of what bugs me about the University of Michigan is their inherent arrogance. They just assume they’re going to win every game. I like their genuine sense of surprise when they lose. You can just imagine a whole stadium full of fans at their home games just sorta looking at each other dumbfounded, thinking “hey, this isn’t supposed to happen, is it? We didn’t really lose, right? It’s more of a do-over for next year? Or perhaps this is one of those things where they’re going to change the end result later, based on some evidence that hasn’t yet hit the courtroom floor. We can’t have lost. Perish the though from your head.”
As far as I can tell, arrogance has to be something you ease yourself into. I don’t actually understand the totality of arrogance, but I would assume you have to be good at what you do for a long time to start thinking that you’re one of the best. If you sucked all the time and convinced yourself that you were one of the best, I think technically that’s delusional and then you take arrogance right out of the picture.
This being said, it’s fun to watch them lose. It’s fun to watch another team come from behind and beat them, even if it’s a team I have no knowledge of (this year, that nameless team would be Oregon, from whence came to us the benefit of Joey Harrington.). It’s fun to watch Philadelphia lose because I have no idea why everyone thinks they’re so great and expects them to win the Superbowl EVERY year. It’s fun to watch Baltimore lose because they were overly cocky the year they won the Superbowl (apparently they had a right to be cocky – this is when the concept of being a gracious winner vs. arrogant jackass comes into play in my head, I guess) and have expected themselves to win the Superbowl every year since then, and somehow are still expecting to be awarded the trophies from the previous thiry-five years retroactively as a testament to their greatness.
I remember being younger and seeing people (usually men, and usually heavier men who had thick glasses and fading hairlines, if one was to generalize – calling to mind any of Bob Burski’s Superfans) wearing sweatshirts that said clever things like “My two favorite football teams are Michigan and whoever’s playing Ohio State” – I never understood hating Ohio State, really, but that’s a perfectly good thing to do if you’re so inclined to root against them. I didn’t understand then that you would like first your own favorite team and then whoever was playing the team you disliked. I really had a hard time understanding why you’d want to wear a shirt with that many words on it. I have an issue with shirts that make people stop you so they can read what you’re trying to say through clothing logic.
But I understand it now – somehow I can find a light of joy in others’ failure. Somehow, in specialized circumstances, I can find happiness in the misfortune of others. In every life, there’s certain things you really really want to happen; and sometimes one of those things is the simple yet joyous act of Michigan losing a football game.
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